Autumn at Haycombe Crematorium

Haycombe Crematorium looking fab in the autumn sunlight...always a relief to see sunshine when I am there to officiate at a burial!

Andrew is an independent funeral celebrant available in Bristol, Bath & beyond.

Coffee Pending in Bristol & Bath

Hands up if you have heard of 'coffee pending'... despite the many hours I spend in coffee shops, this initiative was news to me, so I'm spreading the word about a brilliant, yet simple scheme to help the homeless in the Bristol & Bath area. Next time you purchase a coffee in Bristol (I'm hoping that places exist in Bath too), pay for a second one and leave it 'pending' so someone who truly needs a hot drink at this time of year can claim it. 

Have you any experience of this? And do you know which cafes in Bristol and Bath offer it - do please share your experience.

Not every coffee shop offers this, but it is certainly worth posing the question and perhaps encouraging coffee shops in areas where there are homeless to introduce it. Look for the #KBW (Keeping Bristol Warm) on twitter or refer to www.365bristol.com (the post on 5/12/16). It is a great idea. It is sometimes difficult to know how best to help homeless people and this feels a very sensible, simple action to take. Please let me know if you find a coffee shop in Bristol and Bath area and I will list the names below. In the meantime, some Bristol outlets are listed on the 365 website. (*Photo is a stock shot & not one of mine).

Today I have been mostly listening to the Rolling Stones; our ceremony tomorrow includes "Gimme Shelter" - brilliant!

What is an Independent Funeral Celebrant?

I am often asked "What is an independent celebrant?", quickly followed by questions regarding my own faith. The following - quoted from wikipedia - is a really sound explanation. The only thing I would add is this definition is very 'neutral': celebrants come in all shapes and sizes, strong faith to no faith, with a broad range of life experiences that shape the way they connect with families and their preferences when creating a beautiful ceremony. The good ones start the conversation with a 'blank page' - they listen to the family, check understanding and aim to create something that reflects the deceased in a heartfelt, personal way.

Work Life & Death Balances

Apologies for the silence in recent months. You may have guessed that the lack of posts is often indicative of increased 'busy-ness'...this year has been incredibly intense and it has been a challenge finding time for me to recharge in-between helping families through their grief and navigating the emotional challenges of the funeral. I'm sure most celebrants would agree that we don't feel the grief in the same intensity as the families - if we did, it would become incredibly difficult to help. But neither is it 'all in a days work' - absorbing some of the sadness is just part of the role. So the blog has been pushed to one side whilst I've tried to create a better balance. But I will try to post more often over the coming months. If you have any questions about my role as a celebrant do please ask.
Andrew Jackson is an Independent celebrant available to conduct ceremonies in the Bristol, Bath and surrounding area.

Three Levels of Sadness

I was asked today how I cope with all the sadness of being a celebrant. Its been an incredibly tough fortnight, with some challenging farewells and life stores to navigate, but overall, each has contained much love and inspiration. So the flippant answer is that most of the time I can cope, on the bad days there is coffee and walnut cake and on the very bad days there is shiraz... In all seriousness - and I hope this doesn't sound too 'worthy' - being a celebrant does show me every day that however tough my life is, someone else has it ten times worse. Today the sun is shining, the apple blossom is out, I had a free coffee at the garden centre... I had a long conversation with a funeral director whose compassion and kindness is so inspiring. Today's ceremony was incredibly moving - so many tears for a much loved person - but even in the midst of such sadness life has much to offer. I was going to start this blog with "Count your blessings", but its not for me to tell you how to live your life. But counting my blessing is what I've been doing today.

 Andrew Jackson is an independent celebrant, helping families in Bristol, Bath and the surrounding area.

Wonderful Feedback

I'm always amazed that in the midst of such grief and sadness, families find time and energy to write the most lovely 'thank you' messages. Generally, I don't share these on the blog, but it was pointed out to me recently that for some families using a celebrant, rather than the more traditional option of a church minister, can be something of a leap of faith. So reading some feedback from other families may help reassure people that a celebrant-led ceremony will be perfect for their loved one. Over the coming months, I'll share a small selection of comments, starting with these lovely words...

"Everyone thought the ceremony was amazing and you really captured the spirit of my dad's life. Some people there even thought you were an old friend of my dad's as you made it so perfectly personal...thank you." 

It is lovely to receive such feedback.

Andrew Jackson is an Independent funeral celebrant, available for ceremonies in Bristol, Bath and the surrounding area.

The Committal: The Final Goodbye

I never thought that soft furnishings could become so controversial, but there is quite a debate about whether the curtains should close or be left open at the committal stage of a cremation ceremony. Now, if you haven’t attended a ceremony for someone close to you, it might be that you are sat there thinking, “Really? Closing the curtains is controversial?” But, for many, it is the part of the ceremony that they dread most, the final act of separation – it is a simple, symbolic action with huge emotional impact.

Obituary: Hard Truths, Honest Lives

Life is complicated and not everything works out the way we would wish. So when, as a celebrant, I am asked to produce a life story for a person who had a challenging personality or was perhaps difficult to live with, I know it will be an interesting journey as we decide what can be said, should be said and what is best glossed over - honesty and integrity should be at the core of every ceremony, provided that it stays on the right side of positive.

Arnos Vale Cemetery

Today, I felt very fortunate to be asked to lead a ceremony at Arnos Vale Cemetery. For those of you who don't know this amazing, historic cemetery / nature reserve (as it almost is now), all I can say is that it is well worth a visit. It is a huge site, containing many noteworthy memorials and headstones. But the first impression is not of headstones but of a green oasis on the outskirts of Bristol. Burials are still possible at Arnos Vale, but these are few and far between and I never expected that I would have an opportunity to lead a ceremony there. It is a stunning space. Today, we were deep in the woods (much of the site is overgrown; some spaces being reclaimed, some parts left natural), with sunshine streaming through the bare branches of the trees (sunshine - we had forecasts of snow and / or 70 mph winds - this morning it was a perfect January morning). The birds were singing, the squirrels exploring. It felt a very natural burial, perfect in its simplicity. If you are thinking of visiting, take wellies / outdoor shoes and leave yourself time to visit the lovely coffee shop there.

A Difficult Day in the Office

It has been a difficult day today. As a celebrant, I often feel as though I'm making a real and positive difference - the funeral ceremony is one small step on the healing process and a heartfelt, personal ceremony can start to ease the sadness. 

Of course it doesn't make everything right, but saying goodbye in the right way does help. Today, it was such a sad ceremony, that I'm not sure I can honestly claim to have helped. We said goodbye to someone who was just 48 years old and there are times when it feels fundamentally wrong to say goodbye so soon. So many tears in the ceremony room today. My thoughts are very much with the family tonight.
Andrew Jackson is a funeral celebrant working in Bristol, Bath and the surrounding area. Please get in touch if you have any funeral related questions.

Music For Funerals

(This blog contains some great music choices for a funeral, but you do need to read through to the end...)

The choice of music plays an incredibly important role in the funeral. "Sad songs say so much" (I think that is an Elton John line) and in the midst of our grief, it can be difficult to articulate the complex emotions we are experiencing. Sometimes the words of a song can give voice to feelings otherwise impossible to express and as such, is one step of the healing process.

Reflecting on Life's Achievements

As a funeral celebrant working in Bristol & Bath, I meet the most incredible people. On occasions, 'incredible' because the family is coping with the very worst of times with great strength and courage - I think the most heart-breaking yet inspiring sight I've witnessed is a father bearing his child's coffin into the ceremony - it's impossible not to be deeply moved.

A Quick Update

I've written at least six draft posts this afternoon and none would represent a worthwhile investment of your time reading them. So this post is just to say that I am still here - just a little overwhelmed at the moment by some incredibly emotional ceremonies. 

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available to help families in Bristol, Bath and beyond. (but not 'beyond' like Buzz Lightyear - I'm thinking Somerset, Wiltshire and Bristol!). Picture is spring time in Bath.

Music for Funerals

Last year, I wrote a blog about the song / music: 'Amazing Grace'. We had used the piece, played by The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards (via CD) (i.e. not live - it would have been chaos). It was 'the best of tunes and the worst of tunes..'. It is beautiful, haunting, moving - but that's precisely the issue; its sure to have even the stiffest of lips trembling and the driest of eyes watering.

Yesterday, a similar discovery using Neil Diamond as exit music. We listened to "Hello, hello again" and - being honest - by the end I think everyone was glad to be back outside. Lovely track for a very special person - problem was it reduced everyone to tears... it was a sad enough day already. Strangely, "Here comes the sun" by the Beatles can have that effect on me too. At the end of the ceremony, with a silent and very thoughtful room, the guitar intro really makes an incredible impression. 

The exit music plays an important role in lifting spirits and marking the end of the ceremony. 'Lark ascending' is quite beautiful; Tony Bennett / Frank Sinatra etc work well - and, one of my favourites: 'Three little birds' by Bob Marley. So many amazing tracks - what would you recommend?

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available to conduct funerals in Bristol, bath & beyond.

Death: Anything We Shouldn't Talk About?

Bristol Museum and Art Gallery are investigating the possibility of an exhibition looking at death around the world - if it goes ahead, it will take place in 2015. All very exciting and I'm so pleased. Often, once people realise that I am a funeral celebrant, they are quick to share their experiences, good and bad: their experience of grief, about saying goodbye, about vicars that forgot who the funeral was for...sometimes it is the joy of discovering the perfect natural burial site and the peace and healing power that comes with that discovery.

Funeral Arranging - Part 2

I've written this blog posting countless times now; it follows on from the "Funeral Arranging - Part 1", written  on on Tuesday; a response to an article by Emma Freud that appeared in The Guardian newspaper. It is an article well worth a read. 

Part 2 reflects on Emma's experience of creating the Order of Service. As a celebrant, my approach is to share some time with the family, listen to what they would like in terms of music, prayers, poems, etc and create a ceremony that is heartfelt and personal to them. Emma writes...

Emma writes: "This [the order of service] invariably becomes the emotional focus of the week. It needs to be a collective effort and is probably the moment when family tensions emerge in that lovely dysfunctional way that only a close death can inspire.

Well, yes and no. Yes, because even the most cohesive families can find stress lines appearing as they come to terms with the changed situation.

More To Death

The "More to Death" magazine is always a fascinating read and the new edition is no exception - click on the title to open the link. I know I may be slightly at odds with most people, but I find death incredibly fascinating. And although it is a subject we don't talk about, when I do mention it, almost everyone has questions or experiences they want to share. I'd be very interested to receive your thoughts - did any of the articles make you rethink (or start to think) about your own plans? There are some case studies of families taking care of a funeral very much 'in house'. Not for everyone, but interesting none the less. 
Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.

Celebrating the Arrival of 2014

It has been a surreal few months for me. My father died at the start of December. We knew he was ill; we knew he wouldn't go on for ever, but we expected (maybe 'hoped' is more accurate) that he would still be with us to see in the New Year. Not to be... So we've experienced the stress of being summoned to his bedside, the privilege of keeping him company as the end drew close, the stillness and peace as he died and then the intrusiveness (I'm not sure that's actually a word) as a host of strangers (funeral and health professionals) appeared in our lives. There are so many things to sort out and really, all we wanted was to stop and reflect on our loss. As I said, it is a surreal time. It will take a while for life to feel 'normal' again - and I know it won't ever be the same. 

Funeral costs in UK: The Price Is right?

It was recently reported that the overall cost of dying is up 7.1% from 2012 prices. Although I think this is incorrect, as generally the dying bit is actually free. I think they meant that funeral costs are up 7.1%. 

The cost of a basic funeral has risen 5.3% since 2012, to £3,456. The average cost of a burial is now £3,914, which is about £1,000 more than the average cremation. Once discretionary costs are added - a headstone, flowers, choice of coffin, etc the basic cost of a funeral rises to an average of £7,662. Of course, there are regional variations: London area costs are higher whereas the least expensive place to die / arrange a funeral is Wales (average cost here is £6,096).

A "Love of Life" List

Question: What would you do if you were told you had three years to live?I read an interesting article on the BBC website today, in the News Magazine section, talking about 'bucket lists' - which are things to do before 'kicking the bucket'. 

And although I would rather label it a "Love for Life" list, I think its a brilliant idea.