The choice of music plays an incredibly important role in the funeral. "Sad songs say so much" (I think that is an Elton John line) and in the midst of our grief, it can be difficult to articulate the complex emotions we are experiencing. Sometimes the words of a song can give voice to feelings otherwise impossible to express and as such, is one step of the healing process.
Music also sets the tone for what we wish the ceremony to be: upbeat music for a celebration of life or slow, classical music for a more formal gathering. Certainly, as a celebrant, I often spend as much time debating music choices with the family as talking about the persons history. I was reminded of all this when I saw an article in the The Sunday Telegraph (13/7/14) this weekend. It listed "The Five Best Funeral Songs". It didn't define 'best' so I've read it as 'most popular'.
Four of the five I've used in my ceremonies: 'My Way' (Frank Sinatra); 'Wind beneath my wings' (Bette Midler), 'Time to say goodbye' (Brightman / Bocelli) and 'Always look on the bright side' (Monty Python). The fifth - 'Time after time' (Cyndi Lauper) I've not had requested. Its a good song, but I'm struggling to see how it made the top five!
My top five of favourite tracks actually played at one of my ceremonies would include: 'Over the rainbow' and 'Fields of gold' by Eva Cassidy. 'Yellow Moon' by The Neville Brothers, 'Three Little Birds' by Bob Marley and 'I left my heart in San Francisco' by Tony Bennett. The last one is such a lovely song, and one I often listen to before conducting a service (along with 'Rule the world' by Take That - don't ask!).
The top five tracks I haven't used but would love to when the right moment comes along include:
* 'Across the line' (Bellowhead). Its a sea-related folk song, filled with the sadness of travelling and the longing to be home. For a reflective piece, it really carried me along...
* 'Forever Autumn' (Justin Hayward). I can't believe that this hasn't be requested... would be an emotional listen though...
* 'If it be your will' (The Webb Sisters). This is a Leonard Cohen song, beautifully sung, with just a simple harp backing. Lovely.
* 'I find your love' (Beth Neilson Chapman). Beautiful words, which stand alone as a poem. Very sad, though and almost certain to produce tears.
* 'When she loved me' (Sarah Maclachlan). If you are saying good bye to a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's, it can be incredibly difficult to find music that feels right - the words of this song are very moving and just seem to fit. Listen, but again be warned, it will be emotional.
I'm indebted to Sally Pillinger for sharing the last three titles. I hadn't heard the tracks before, but I've added them to my i-tunes collection - I think they will bring a lot of comfort in future ceremonies. And of course, I should say that these are to be listened to, rather than sung. I'm really sorry, but personally I'm not a great fan of singing at funerals, but that's for another blog!
Andrew Jackson is an Independent funeral celebrant helping families in Bristol, Bath and the surrounding area.
Wow, I've been name-checked in your blog - that's cheered up an otherwise rubbish day. Thank you. I wish I had heard When She Loved Me before mum's funeral - it would have been perfect. My reasons for Over the Rainbow were also related to her dementia - I saw it as reflecting that she was free at last.
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