A Fine Attitude to Life & Death

The funeral celebrant side of my life has been especially busy this week. It started with the remembrance service (see previous post) and I've also had three ceremonies to look after. Each very different, but each very personal and with fascinating life stories to tell. One of the ceremonies reminded me of a quote that really inspired me when I first started as a celebrant. It's from Hunter S Thompson, who wrote this about death: 

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!”

I love the attitude, the positive thinking, the energy and sense of living in the moment inherent in the quote. And the thought that at the end, life should be celebrated and not swamped by unnecessary formalities.

Today I have been mostly debating going back to bed if I'm honest - I'm shattered! 

A Time To Remember

It is so important to 'stop the world' every now again and dedicate some time to remembering those people no longer with us. Yesterday, I was privileged to have just such an opportunity when I was invited to speak at the Annual Service of Remembrance, in Bath, hosted by Co-operative Funeral Care. It brought together different faiths as well as myself representing those families who opted for a celebrant led service and together we lit candles and remembered. I've attached my reading below; I hope it resonates with you...

Music For Funerals

(This blog contains some great music choices for a funeral, but you do need to read through to the end...)

The choice of music plays an incredibly important role in the funeral. "Sad songs say so much" (I think that is an Elton John line) and in the midst of our grief, it can be difficult to articulate the complex emotions we are experiencing. Sometimes the words of a song can give voice to feelings otherwise impossible to express and as such, is one step of the healing process.

500 Days - The Project Continues

This is a quick update to the "500 Days' project blog, written in February...which incidentally, according to my site stats, is the most read post... is this a reflection on my funeral-related musings? Probably best not to answer that.

Anyway, 500 days is now less than 365 following a rather brilliant 49th birthday celebration. So a quick update on the the project...

Non Religious Funeral Reading: The Glory of Life

Before I departed for my mini break at the weekend, I conducted the funeral ceremony for a wonderful old gentleman called Frank. 

I met Frank earlier in the year, and immediately felt very comfortable with him - he was a lovely man to listen to. I just knew there were a host of stories within him - especially from his wartime experiences - but as with so many of his generation, he was so modest about his achievements...a sad day when the news came that he had passed away. 

"Desiderata" - Words Worth Remembering

I have a funeral ceremony in Bath next week and the family have chosen the following reading. It has been a while since I've read them so I welcomed the reminder - the words resonated with me, especially in the context of my previous post...

Poem: Desiderata – Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
 As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.


Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant as they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.


If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
 for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


Reflecting on Life's Achievements

As a funeral celebrant working in Bristol & Bath, I meet the most incredible people. On occasions, 'incredible' because the family is coping with the very worst of times with great strength and courage - I think the most heart-breaking yet inspiring sight I've witnessed is a father bearing his child's coffin into the ceremony - it's impossible not to be deeply moved.

The Perfect Funeral: Does It Exist?

I started to write a blog called "Barriers to the Perfect Funeral" - but defining a perfect funeral posed a problem even before I started to reflect on the barriers. 

My ceremony (whenever the times comes - I always say that death is on my 'To Do' list, but I haven't got round to it yet) will look very different to most ceremonies and yes, I have started planning it. I've met too many families whose lives have been turned upside down in the blink of eye - death often appears without warning and I would rather leave detailed instructions and help those close to me sort things out with the minimum of stress - its the least I can do. Like leaving a tidy sock draw... 

Saying Goodbye to John

After the big ceremonies of recent days, yesterday's was a much smaller, more intimate farewell at Haycombe in Bath. I can't share too much of this ceremony, except to reflect on important it was to say an appropriate goodbye. John's grand daughter proved what a special person she is by making sure a heartfelt and genuine goodbye was possible. Sometimes people ask if it isn't depressing, working in the funeral industry. It can be but it also be quite amazing and uplifting.

Yesterday I mostly worried for my house. Major build works, lots of dust, lots of noise. 

Saying Goodbye to Alison

Absolutely beautiful ceremony today. As a celebrant, I'm often left quite awestruck when, from intense grief, amazing things happen...today was such an occasion. We were in the Top Chapel at Haycombe (Bath's cemetery) for Alison's funeral.

Saying Goodbye to Steve

An emotional day today, as we said goodbye to Steve.

Steve was 37 when he died; he had battled with cancer for the best part of ten years. I should say at this point that I always hesitate to say "battled" cancer - especially in this case, as Steve had 'lived' with cancer. He didn't let it define who he was. He didn't stop living when the diagnosis was confirmed - instead he embraced every single day.

So we had a ceremony that reflected a huge amount of love, admiration and respect. There must have been 200 or more family and friends to pay their respects. The flowers on the coffin were shaped as a full size guitar (music was a passion); his wife and family members each spoke (he was the kind of man that everyone warmed to - we could have spent the whole day listening to tributes if time had allowed). It was a lovely ceremony. The music was as unique and quirky as the man himself - I can't recall ever walking out to "Gertcha" by Chas n Dave before - somehow it just worked brilliantly.

I hope very much that today's ceremony will bring some comfort; it has certainly been a privilege sharing this last part of the journey.

I know I often mention Caleb Wilde's blog - he is a funeral director in the US. He writes with great clarity on issues few of us have to confront. This posting is no exception.

Lovely Poem (for gardeners!).

When my father died, a good friend and fellow celebrant (hello Sarah!) sent me a lovely book called "All in the end is harvest - An anthology for those who grieve" (*). It is the perfect book to dip in and out of, as happy as it is sad and reflective. This poem stood out for me when I last picked up the book. "Not speaking as much as sharing" is the line that really resonates with you. The poem is wholly inappropriate for the time of year, but I really didn't want to wait six months before sharing it with you!

(*) The book is edited by Agnes Whitaker and well worth having a copy of your book shelf.

Sharing by Brenda Lismer

Autumn was our time of year

Working together in the old walled garden

Not speaking so much as sharing

The silence and September warmth

The gentleness of slow decay

At summer’s passing.

I was the debris man clearing the way

You turned the dark earth with your spade

Slow and steady knowing your pace

Turned tramp in your awful gardening clothes

Which somehow become dear.

I miss your patient figure

As I harvest alone

Miss the shared silence

And the coming together at day’s end.

Today I am mostly thinking about tomorrow's ceremony. A lovely man, who has died aged 37 from cancer. Sometimes life doesn't make much sense...

A Quick Update

I've written at least six draft posts this afternoon and none would represent a worthwhile investment of your time reading them. So this post is just to say that I am still here - just a little overwhelmed at the moment by some incredibly emotional ceremonies. 

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available to help families in Bristol, Bath and beyond. (but not 'beyond' like Buzz Lightyear - I'm thinking Somerset, Wiltshire and Bristol!). Picture is spring time in Bath.

Music for Funerals

Last year, I wrote a blog about the song / music: 'Amazing Grace'. We had used the piece, played by The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards (via CD) (i.e. not live - it would have been chaos). It was 'the best of tunes and the worst of tunes..'. It is beautiful, haunting, moving - but that's precisely the issue; its sure to have even the stiffest of lips trembling and the driest of eyes watering.

Yesterday, a similar discovery using Neil Diamond as exit music. We listened to "Hello, hello again" and - being honest - by the end I think everyone was glad to be back outside. Lovely track for a very special person - problem was it reduced everyone to tears... it was a sad enough day already. Strangely, "Here comes the sun" by the Beatles can have that effect on me too. At the end of the ceremony, with a silent and very thoughtful room, the guitar intro really makes an incredible impression. 

The exit music plays an important role in lifting spirits and marking the end of the ceremony. 'Lark ascending' is quite beautiful; Tony Bennett / Frank Sinatra etc work well - and, one of my favourites: 'Three little birds' by Bob Marley. So many amazing tracks - what would you recommend?

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available to conduct funerals in Bristol, bath & beyond.

Death: Anything We Shouldn't Talk About?

Bristol Museum and Art Gallery are investigating the possibility of an exhibition looking at death around the world - if it goes ahead, it will take place in 2015. All very exciting and I'm so pleased. Often, once people realise that I am a funeral celebrant, they are quick to share their experiences, good and bad: their experience of grief, about saying goodbye, about vicars that forgot who the funeral was for...sometimes it is the joy of discovering the perfect natural burial site and the peace and healing power that comes with that discovery.

Talking about life & death

Challenging day today, with two funeral ceremonies in Bath to start the week - so don't expect great words of wisdom. Its quite rare for me to do two ceremonies in one day and it always adds an extra level of stress. To be honest, my brain is now frazzled and I'm waiting only for the clock to tick round to a more socially acceptable time to pour a restorative shiraz! Today I have been reminded of some lovely music - "I vow to thee my country" was the entry music and perfect for a gentleman who had served his country all through his life. Reminded too how lovely Mozart's Clarinet concerto is for reflection music - it is a piece of music that both fills the space yet leaves room for thought and reflection. I closed the ceremony with Rudyard Kipling's, 'If'... one of my favourite poems to read aloud (as is "Funeral Blues" - the poem from the 'Four weddings & a funeral' film but no one has ever asked for that!). So an interesting day and two very different goodbyes.

On the subject of reminders, do click on the link to "Confessions of a funeral director" link. Caleb Wilde is such an honest writer and whilst there are differences in the US and UK approach to funerals, much of what he writes will ring true for us Brits. Look for "Ten reasons I'm a funeral director", which remains one of the best explanations for working in the funeral industry. Or the "Should we medicate grief?" post, for example. It really is worth exploring the site if you are interested in gaining a fresh & honest insight into funerals.

Today I have been mostly wondering whether signing up to a gym was such a good idea!

What is your favourite funeral poem?

I haven't posted any of my favourite funeral poems for a while...well, this one is a very popular / often used poem, that seems to be resonating with families at the moment. For many, the sense of spirit living on is incredibly comforting and reassuring.

500 Days and Counting

This post is about life, which makes a refreshing change. Now, you may need to sit down for this next bit of information - or at least prepare a sugar-heavy cup of tea for shock - but my 50th birthday is on the horizon (and for those of you who looked at the picture and thought "He's looking good for sixty", well, that's just mean...). Now, when I say 'on the horizon', its actually 500 days away (*give or take a few days - I worked it out once but life is too short to double check the figures) (which is exactly the attitude that held me back from a career as an accountant or physicist). Landmark birthdays are great for reassessing life. My feeling is that rather than wait for 50 and then make changes, I want to hit my 50th birthday fighting fit for the second half of my life...

Funeral Arranging - Part 2

I've written this blog posting countless times now; it follows on from the "Funeral Arranging - Part 1", written  on on Tuesday; a response to an article by Emma Freud that appeared in The Guardian newspaper. It is an article well worth a read. 

Part 2 reflects on Emma's experience of creating the Order of Service. As a celebrant, my approach is to share some time with the family, listen to what they would like in terms of music, prayers, poems, etc and create a ceremony that is heartfelt and personal to them. Emma writes...

Emma writes: "This [the order of service] invariably becomes the emotional focus of the week. It needs to be a collective effort and is probably the moment when family tensions emerge in that lovely dysfunctional way that only a close death can inspire.

Well, yes and no. Yes, because even the most cohesive families can find stress lines appearing as they come to terms with the changed situation.

More To Death

The "More to Death" magazine is always a fascinating read and the new edition is no exception - click on the title to open the link. I know I may be slightly at odds with most people, but I find death incredibly fascinating. And although it is a subject we don't talk about, when I do mention it, almost everyone has questions or experiences they want to share. I'd be very interested to receive your thoughts - did any of the articles make you rethink (or start to think) about your own plans? There are some case studies of families taking care of a funeral very much 'in house'. Not for everyone, but interesting none the less. 
Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.

Funeral Arranging - Part 1

If you had to arrange a funeral today, would you put everything into the hands of experts or would you prefer a more personal approach? After all, there is no legal requirement to employ a funeral director; there are laws and obligations to follow, naturally, but using a funeral director isn't one of them. The reason for my posing the question follows an interesting article in the Guardian newspaper, written by Emma Freud. Its a detailed piece, which poses some interesting questions, so I shall pick out some key parts to expand on what Emma has said (but do read the full article, as it is really interesting)...

Celebrating the Arrival of 2014

It has been a surreal few months for me. My father died at the start of December. We knew he was ill; we knew he wouldn't go on for ever, but we expected (maybe 'hoped' is more accurate) that he would still be with us to see in the New Year. Not to be... So we've experienced the stress of being summoned to his bedside, the privilege of keeping him company as the end drew close, the stillness and peace as he died and then the intrusiveness (I'm not sure that's actually a word) as a host of strangers (funeral and health professionals) appeared in our lives. There are so many things to sort out and really, all we wanted was to stop and reflect on our loss. As I said, it is a surreal time. It will take a while for life to feel 'normal' again - and I know it won't ever be the same.