Journey Ends & New Beginnings

After five years, and almost 800 funeral services, my time as a celebrant has drawn to a close. It has been an incredible experience and I thank you all those families who welcomed me into their lives at the hardest and most challenging of times. I do feel blessed to have experienced this chapter of life.

But now off for a fresh start. We have opened a Bed and Breakfast in South West France; somewhere we hope will offer a peace and a sanctuary to us as well as our guests. It is called, "Le Petit Cochon" - the little pig and it is set in the tranquil and delightful area of Gascony, South West France. We look forward to welcoming you, should you ever need to escape the stresses and strains of life.

www.lepetit-cochon.fr

Autumn at Haycombe Crematorium

Haycombe Crematorium looking fab in the autumn sunlight...always a relief to see sunshine when I am there to officiate at a burial!

Andrew is an independent funeral celebrant available in Bristol, Bath & beyond.

Bereavement Company Leave: How Long?

I saw this article on the BBC website which discusses Facebook's decision to clarify their policy re leave taken following bereavement. 

Thank You

I have been meaning to write this blog for ages, so apologies that it has taken so long...

Being constantly surrounded by the sadness of death can make for a challenging life at times and, sometimes, it does feel rather overwhelming. But I really appreciate and take great encouragement from the wonderful feedback and thank you's that families send me. I'm sure I have said this before, but with so much going on at a time of bereavement, I am always rather surprised that anyone finds time  to say thank you - but so many do and it is always so appreciated. 

I rarely quote feedback on the website - it feels a bit too "me, me, me" but I will share this because the words really touched me: "Words can't express how special you made the service for my husband. It was emotional, heart warming, spoken with compassion and care". How wonderful is that?

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant available in Bath, Bristol and surrounding area.

Lovely Words

“There was a magic about the sea. People were drawn to it. People wanted to love by it, swim in it, play in it, look at it. It was a living thing that was as unpredictable as a great stage actor: it could be calm and welcoming, opening its arms to embrace it's audience one moment, but then could explode with its stormy tempers, flinging people around, wanting them out, attacking coastlines, breaking down islands. It had a playful side too, as it enjoyed the crowd, tossed the children about, knocked lilos over, tipped over windsurfers, occasionally gave sailors helping hands; all done with a secret little chuckle” - Cecilia Ahern, The Gift.

Shared because the words are lovely and resonated with me.

Andrew is a funeral celebrant available in Bristol, Bath and beyond.

Coffee Pending in Bristol & Bath

Hands up if you have heard of 'coffee pending'... despite the many hours I spend in coffee shops, this initiative was news to me, so I'm spreading the word about a brilliant, yet simple scheme to help the homeless in the Bristol & Bath area. Next time you purchase a coffee in Bristol (I'm hoping that places exist in Bath too), pay for a second one and leave it 'pending' so someone who truly needs a hot drink at this time of year can claim it. 

Have you any experience of this? And do you know which cafes in Bristol and Bath offer it - do please share your experience.

Not every coffee shop offers this, but it is certainly worth posing the question and perhaps encouraging coffee shops in areas where there are homeless to introduce it. Look for the #KBW (Keeping Bristol Warm) on twitter or refer to www.365bristol.com (the post on 5/12/16). It is a great idea. It is sometimes difficult to know how best to help homeless people and this feels a very sensible, simple action to take. Please let me know if you find a coffee shop in Bristol and Bath area and I will list the names below. In the meantime, some Bristol outlets are listed on the 365 website. (*Photo is a stock shot & not one of mine).

Today I have been mostly listening to the Rolling Stones; our ceremony tomorrow includes "Gimme Shelter" - brilliant!

Happy New Year

New Year's Eve is an interesting time. Personally, I can't wait for 2017 to arrive; 2016 feels a year of sadness and regret, of division, of goodbyes and separation. A year when being kind and open hearted was banished to the side lines, or so it felt at times. Lets hope that in 2017, compassion and kindness can take centre stage once again.

For those facing the start of a New Year following bereavement, perhaps some of life's optimism is also missing. The future now feels unknown; the only certainty is that life has changed forever. Generally speaking, life does get better. Not because we forget, but because we learn how better to carry the burden of grief. Lovely memories become woven into life, carried with you, always part of you, but increasingly balanced with the rest of life. May I wish everyone who stumbles on this blog a happy and healthy 2017.

Season's Greetings

This is a post for all those feeling especially lost right now; perhaps feeling a little lonely. For some, this will be the first Christmas following bereavement and as the big day approaches, the sense of loneliness can become intense. Even if we are fortunate enough to be surrounded by family and friends, no one can quite replace that special person. Even in a crowded room, life can feel very empty. 

Poem: My Funeral by Wendy Cope

The following poem was read out on the BBC's Woman's Hour programme last week...it made a lot of celebrants smile...

My Funeral by Wendy Cope

I hope I can trust you, friends, not to use our relationship

As an excuse for an unsolicited ego-trip.

I have seen enough of them at funerals and they make me cross.

At this one, though deceased, I aim to be the boss.

If you are asked to talk about me for five minutes, please do not go on for eight

There is a strict timetable at the crematorium and nobody wants to be late

If invited to read a poem, just read the bloody poem. If requested

To sing a song, just sing it, as suggested,

And don’t say anything. Though I will not be there,

Glancing pointedly at my watch and fixing the speaker with a malevolent stare,

Remember that this was how I always reacted

When I felt that anybody’s speech, sermon or poetry reading was becoming too protracted.

Yes, I was intolerant, and not always polite

And if there aren’t many people at my funeral, it will serve me right.

Quote of the Day: Remembering

"I think of my late son, Bo, more than every day. Losing a child is almost indescribable. People still ask me how I'm getting on. I say that the seas remain rough, but you learn to sail your boat through." Ruth Rogers, Chef. 
(Sunday Times food magazine, January 2016)

Bath Charity Spotlight: The WoodWorks Project

The point of this post is that often there is a collection at the end of a funeral service for a good cause, often one that has some relevance to the family or specifically to the person who has died. But sometimes, knowing which organisation to nominate can be a challenge. So I would just like to take this opportunity to highlight the work of a project in Bath - The WoodWorks Project. I can offer no better explanation for their work than the words found on the intro page of their website...

Atoms, Bill Bryson and End of Life

I am preparing a ceremony this week for a man who was passionate about science, about knowledge and about education; his mind was ceaselessly engaged in the wonders of the universe. In preparing the words for the ceremony, I came across this lovely quote from Bill Bryson, taken from "A short history of nearly everything". Bill Bryson wrote:

It is a slightly arresting notion that if you were to pick yourself apart with tweezers, one atom at a time, you would produce a mound of fine atomic dust, none of which had ever been alive but all of which had once been you.

Dementia and Alzheimers Poem

I just wanted to share the following poem - it's called, The Alzheimer's Poem. I have no expertise when it comes to Dementia and Alzheimers. It is an illness that seems to impact on so many of the families I help. As a society, we don't always talk about it and maybe in part that is because there is no battle to be fought, as there can be with other illnesses (although personally, I don't like the fighting / battling imagery that is sometimes associated with fighting cancer for example, but that's a blog for another day).

I know it scares me more than even cancer. I know there is no hierarchy of good and bad deaths - any passing from illness or sudden event will feel too soon and will hurt beyond words. But this is especially difficult to cope with. Its impact both on the person and on their family is profound. 

More To Death - National Death Centre - Edition 7

At its heart, the Last Word Celebrant  blog is all about encouraging conversations about death and end of life matters. Whether it is highlighting a poem that resonates with me or quotes reflecting on the meaning of life and death or simply my experiences as an independent funeral celebrant - its good to talk about death.   So I'm really pleased to share with you The Natural Death Centre's magazine, More to Death. Perhaps after reading the magazine, check out their website too, which provides a wealth of impartial information about natural and environmentally friendly funerals and end of life decisions.

I won't highlight specific articles - far better you read through and find what interests you - but well worth a look. If any of the articles pose any questions do ask and I'll try to offer an answer for you...

Quote of the Day: Jenny Eclair

A Year After he died I still miss Dad.

"It's been just over a year since my father died. I say died, because that's what happened. We didn't lose him, as many people term it. If he'd just slipped out of the back door of the nursing home and made a break for the pub by the golf course, then that would have been OK. If we'd just lost him, we could have found him.

But we didn't lose him. He died. he was 90 and it was sad because he was funniest man I ever met.I still find it unbelievable that I won't see him again."

Jenny Eclair, writing in Waitrose Weekend.

Quote of the Day: Jay Rayner

"You only become a proper adult when both your parents have gone. You are out in the world. It is not like I would have wished  them off any sooner, but at some point you do have to move forward." Jay Rayner.

Funeral Ceremony Advice: The Eulogy / Tribute

For a celebrant led funeral service especially, the eulogy is such a key part of the ceremony. Whether it takes the form of one chapter, or a collection of memories from different family and friends, this is the moment when we celebrate the person's life. For me, the best eulogies are relatively brief - 500-750 words is perfect, especially if other readings and music are to be included. It is impossible to capture every last detail in the short time available, so better to pick out key qualities that will resonate with most of those present. 

So the best eulogies don't try to capture every address or career step, nor try to name check numerous friends. It should capture the essence of the person - who they were not what they were. The legacy they leave behind in those closest to them, the gentle way they inspired others; the simple memories that may be of almost no consequence to most people but for the family mean everything...

Happy New Year 2016

Wishing you all a happy, healthy and successful 2016 - I hope that life is kind to you and that the year brings all you wish for.

Andrew Jackson is a funeral celebrant working in the Bristol, Bath and surrounding area. NY Resolution...to average two blog posts per week, so target is 104 blogs over the course of the year...

Coping with Grief in Autumn

To be honest, I always find the autumn, especially when clocks change, to be quite a difficult time. No idea why, as I love the colours and the changes to the foliage. It is a wonderful time to reconnect with the landscape. But it does always leave me feeling flat; difficult sometimes to see the best in life at this time of year.

What is an Independent Funeral Celebrant?

I am often asked "What is an independent celebrant?", quickly followed by questions regarding my own faith. The following - quoted from wikipedia - is a really sound explanation. The only thing I would add is this definition is very 'neutral': celebrants come in all shapes and sizes, strong faith to no faith, with a broad range of life experiences that shape the way they connect with families and their preferences when creating a beautiful ceremony. The good ones start the conversation with a 'blank page' - they listen to the family, check understanding and aim to create something that reflects the deceased in a heartfelt, personal way.