Bring Me Sunshine

No talk of funerals today. The sky has been a perfect blue all day; the sunshine beautiful. The Tour de France started today. I've a lovely dinner in prospect and a bottle of shiraz with my name on it. It's good to stop and acknowledge that life can be sweet sometimes.

Today I have been mostly been investing much energy into doing very little...good times.

Funeral Ceremony for a Child

Today we held the ceremony for the stillborn baby I mentioned last week. I have to say I’m still feeling pretty raw. With a child’s ceremony, it is never ‘business as usual’. Even those professionals, who spend their days working with death, pause with the death of one so young. It is impossible not to be touched by the overwhelming sense of sadness.

The ceremony was incredibly moving, from the moment the dad carried in the coffin. How incredible is that? In the midst of the most intense grief, when life feels thrown into disarray, to have the courage and strength to bear the coffin is incredible. I really don't know if I would be able to match that.

With one so young, we often need to turn to the words, songs and music of others to help us express our grief, as it is so difficult to articulate the hurt we are feeling. So our ceremony today included music from Eric Clapton (“Tears in Heaven”); a beautiful song called “Still” by Gerrit Hofsink (warning: if you look that up on i-tunes it is an incredibly emotional listen. Beautiful song, with words that cut straight to the heart, but sure to bring a tear to the eye) and then we heard Christina Perri (“A Thousand Years” – another song that was so perfect for today's ceremony).

It is going to be a difficult day as I’m sure the family will dominate my thoughts, to whom I can only send my best wishes - I only hope that time will help heal the hurt.

Andrew Jackson is an Independent Celebrant, working in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.

Reflecting on a Challenging Week

Sitting here, my first task is to apologise for the lack of blog postings of late. No real excuse other than last week was something of an emotional journey. For example, on Friday I helped a family say goodbye to a husband and father of two young children. He died from cancer aged just 38. It is difficult to know what to say, other than to be able to offer any kind of help and comfort in such circumstances is a huge privilege. 

When Grief Is Overwhelming

This week I'm helping a young family create a ceremony for their still born child. In one sentence I've probably said all you need to know - your minds will already be thinking what a desperately sad time this is. In many ways, our grief for the loss of a child is the hardest kind of grief to bear, because when a child dies, we mourn not only the life that was, but also the life that might have been. So many hopes and dreams that will remain unfulfilled.

Stillbirth is more common than many people realise. There are around 4,000 stillbirths each year in the UK - approximately 1 in every 200 births. For more information, the 'Sands' website (Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Charity) is a great resource and can talk far more meaningfully on the subject that I can. In the meantime, I shall keep helping as best I can, knowing that however clever my words, however well thought out the music, I'm unlikely to soften the hurt the family are feeling right now.

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant working in Bristol, Bath and Somerset. Fuelled by coffee & walnut cake during the day and by shiraz at night...

Stopping Direct Mail

Not so much a blog today, as some helpful information...

Do you need to stop direct mail for someone who has died? Almost 600,000 people die in the UK every year and if direct mail continues to be received after the death, it can cause undue distress to grieving family and friends. It also has a big environmental impact - one estimate suggests 48m items will be sent, unnecessarily, each year - that's a lot of paper and energy invested in its delivery. 

There is a solution - "The Bereavement Register" offers a free consumer service with one specific aim - to help stop the direct mail being sent to the deceased. All the information can be found on their website.

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, working in Bristol, Bath and the surrounding area. 

National Funeral Exhibition 2013

I spent this weekend at the National Funeral Exhibition at Stoneleigh. My head is still buzzing, there is so much to talk about. From the most beautiful Somerset Willow coffins to Italian hand-crafted coffins that were simply stunning; from helpful bereavement advice to woodland burial sites and much, much more. I need to get my head around everything I've seen but I shall be blogging about all the latest innovations - good and bad - over the coming weeks. But if you have landed on this page looking for 'willow coffins' for example, and need help and information ASAP, just drop me a line.

Today I have been mostly thinking about tomorrow; when we celebrate the life of a much loved gentleman. Walking in to Vivaldi's Four Seasons: Spring. I'd forgotten what a beautiful piece it is...

Inspiring Words on Legacy

Inspiring words to ponder...

"Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away.” – Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 

Today I have mostly been reflecting on how perfect a song "Stardust" is, sung by Nat King Cole. We used it as a song for reflection in today's ceremony. Just beautiful...

A Very Personal Farewell

Today has been a very emotional day, as I helped a family say goodbye to their mum.

What made today rather unique were the lengths that the family went to, in order to honour their promise to stay with their mum on her final journey.

Rather than book a hearse, the family drove their mum to the crematorium themselves, taking a route that revisited favourite places. Once at the crematorium, in respect for how fiercely proud their mum was of her Scottish roots, the family had booked a piper to lead everyone into the ceremony space. 

The family acted as bearers, with four grown up children carrying in the coffin. Once in place, each of her four children and the eldest grandchildren went up one at a time to place a flower on the coffin. By this stage, I’m wondering whether I can hold everything together. The ceremony was simple, reflecting the spirituality and the hope of being reunited with loved ones. At the end we were piped out to the tune of 'Amazing Grace'...there is just something so incredibly moving about a lone piper leading the way.

In most cases, this would be the end of the story but the two sons stayed behind, to be with their mum as she was placed in the cremator. Sometimes the courage of the families I meet is just awesome. And as a funeral celebrant, it is a privilege to share such a personal journey.

Today I am mostly pondering the meaning of life, the universe and everything - being a celebrant does get me thinking sometimes!

What Is It Like To Be A Funeral Director?

The sharp eyed amongst you (actually, a casual glance should be sufficient) may have noticed a column to the right of this text with a link to other blogs (although, to be accurate, right now its a link to one other blog - more will follow!). There are some amazing conversations taking place about death on the internet and one of the most inspiring is "Confessions of a Funeral Director", written by Caleb Wilde. As an independent funeral celebrant, a big part of my role is find exactly the right words to express the thoughts, beliefs, wishes of the family - Caleb's writing is quite inspirational in this regard. His writing offers an incredible insight into the business of a funeral director. Tackling head on some incredibly challenging topics, with a clarity and balance that is often moving, sometimes funny and always interesting. I hesitate to highlight particular posts, since different subjects will resonate with each of you, but as a starting point, take a look at '10 burdens Funeral Directors Carry' or 'A Bleeping Day in the Funeral Business'. Hope it inspires you as much as it does me...

Today I have been mostly been listening to Tony Bennett, "I left my heart in San Francisco"; its booked for a lovely ceremony next week.