Today we held the ceremony for the stillborn baby I mentioned last week. I have to say I’m still feeling pretty raw. With a child’s ceremony, it is never ‘business as usual’. Even those professionals, who spend their days working with death, pause with the death of one so young. It is impossible not to be touched by the overwhelming sense of sadness.
The ceremony was incredibly moving, from the moment the dad
carried in the coffin. How incredible is that? In the midst of the most intense
grief, when life feels thrown into disarray, to have the courage and strength
to bear the coffin is incredible. I really don't know if I would be able to match that.
With one so young, we often need to turn to
the words, songs and music of others to help us express our grief, as it is so
difficult to articulate the hurt we are feeling. So our ceremony today included
music from Eric Clapton (“Tears in Heaven”); a beautiful song called “Still” by
Gerrit Hofsink (warning: if you look that up on i-tunes it is an incredibly
emotional listen. Beautiful song, with words that cut straight to the heart,
but sure to bring a tear to the eye) and then we heard Christina Perri (“A
Thousand Years” – another song that was so perfect for today's ceremony).
It is going to be a difficult day as I’m
sure the family will dominate my thoughts, to whom I can only send my best wishes - I only hope that time will help heal the hurt.
Andrew Jackson is an Independent Celebrant, working in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.
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