The Committal: The Final Goodbye

I never thought that soft furnishings could become so controversial, but there is quite a debate about whether the curtains should close or be left open at the committal stage of a cremation ceremony. Now, if you haven’t attended a ceremony for someone close to you, it might be that you are sat there thinking, “Really? Closing the curtains is controversial?” But, for many, it is the part of the ceremony that they dread most, the final act of separation – it is a simple, symbolic action with huge emotional impact.

Moonbeams: An Original Poem Reflecting On Loss

A time to reflect ... I had to share this beautiful poem with you, written by Debby McCarthy (and thank you Sally!)...this is one I would certainly use in one of my ceremonies. (NB: Copyright: Debby McCarthy, reproduced with permission).

Moonbeams by Debby McCarthy

I do not sense your breath upon a summer's breeze

Or feel your touch as raindrops gently fall on me.

Tis not in nature that I know your presence, but ... in every smile

That shines when love filled laughter sings its joyous song.

I hear your voice when my own echoes yours and utters words

That offer calm advice or seeks to reassure young heavy hearts.

For though our imperfections then and now fill with regret our memories,

We only ever sought and seek to share the best of us.

So now I know your love was at the core of all you hoped for me,

Your anger born of dread the world would treat me ill.

And when it did you showered me with told you sos,

But kept me close to shelter me from hurt.

And oft I feel your shadow's light embrace, a flicker

Of your spirit shining still, as if a moonbeam lights my way to navigate life's twists and turns,

And share with those who surely would have loved you dear.

Obituary: Hard Truths, Honest Lives

Life is complicated and not everything works out the way we would wish. So when, as a celebrant, I am asked to produce a life story for a person who had a challenging personality or was perhaps difficult to live with, I know it will be an interesting journey as we decide what can be said, should be said and what is best glossed over - honesty and integrity should be at the core of every ceremony, provided that it stays on the right side of positive.

Actress Anita Dobson on Life & Death

Actress Anita Dobson reflecting on life: "You start to realise as you get older that life is about loss. I think that now more than ever. So, whatever your faith or beliefs, whether or not there's a hereafter or a God, life is a gift so just enjoy everything you've got."
Quoted from last week's Daily Mail 'Weekend' magazine.

A Thought for Mothers Day

This a blog for all those mourning a mother. Mothers Day is a special day - a time to say thank you. But it also brings so many memories back to mind for those who have already said their goodbyes; it is a day when the loss can be keenly felt. I hope you can find a quiet moment to reflect and to bring to mind some wonderful memories. Claire Rayner, writing about grief, said this:“Only the unloved and unloving escape grief.  It is the price we all have to pay, eventually, for the love that makes our lives worth living." At times, it can feel a high price... 

A Funeral Poem: "The Tyger" - William Blake

Yesterday, I lead a beautiful funeral service for Derrick - there was so much love in the room for this person, it really felt a heartfelt and special farewell - there were so many family and friends there to say goodbye. The reason for this post is that Derrick loved poetry and so we included some of his favourites in the ceremony. It is the first time I've been asked to read "The Tyger" by William Blake. It is a lovely poem to read aloud, so I share this with you, in tribute to Derrick. 

Huge Apologies

Apologies...I really was hoping to bring this blog to life in 2015. There are so many half-written thoughts - about costs, about planning, about beautiful ceremonies - but for now they have to remain unwritten. The year has started with a huge increase in the number of families to look after. No idea why, as the weather has been relatively agreeable this winter - certainly could have been much worse. And I'm not aware of any 'super bugs' sweeping the nation. So this is just one of those moments when many of us in the funeral world are working flat out to look after families and help them navigate the sadness of saying goodbye to a loved one. It will calm down, and when it does I will return, with speed, to posting some thought provoking blogs. If you have any questions, or would like to share your experiences, do please add a comment.