Arnos Vale Cemetery

Today, I felt very fortunate to be asked to lead a ceremony at Arnos Vale Cemetery. For those of you who don't know this amazing, historic cemetery / nature reserve (as it almost is now), all I can say is that it is well worth a visit. It is a huge site, containing many noteworthy memorials and headstones. But the first impression is not of headstones but of a green oasis on the outskirts of Bristol. Burials are still possible at Arnos Vale, but these are few and far between and I never expected that I would have an opportunity to lead a ceremony there. It is a stunning space. Today, we were deep in the woods (much of the site is overgrown; some spaces being reclaimed, some parts left natural), with sunshine streaming through the bare branches of the trees (sunshine - we had forecasts of snow and / or 70 mph winds - this morning it was a perfect January morning). The birds were singing, the squirrels exploring. It felt a very natural burial, perfect in its simplicity. If you are thinking of visiting, take wellies / outdoor shoes and leave yourself time to visit the lovely coffee shop there.

"Desiderata" - Words Worth Remembering

I have a funeral ceremony in Bath next week and the family have chosen the following reading. It has been a while since I've read them so I welcomed the reminder - the words resonated with me, especially in the context of my previous post...

Poem: Desiderata – Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
 As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.


Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant as they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.


If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
 for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


Saying Goodbye to Steve

An emotional day today, as we said goodbye to Steve.

Steve was 37 when he died; he had battled with cancer for the best part of ten years. I should say at this point that I always hesitate to say "battled" cancer - especially in this case, as Steve had 'lived' with cancer. He didn't let it define who he was. He didn't stop living when the diagnosis was confirmed - instead he embraced every single day.

So we had a ceremony that reflected a huge amount of love, admiration and respect. There must have been 200 or more family and friends to pay their respects. The flowers on the coffin were shaped as a full size guitar (music was a passion); his wife and family members each spoke (he was the kind of man that everyone warmed to - we could have spent the whole day listening to tributes if time had allowed). It was a lovely ceremony. The music was as unique and quirky as the man himself - I can't recall ever walking out to "Gertcha" by Chas n Dave before - somehow it just worked brilliantly.

I hope very much that today's ceremony will bring some comfort; it has certainly been a privilege sharing this last part of the journey.

I know I often mention Caleb Wilde's blog - he is a funeral director in the US. He writes with great clarity on issues few of us have to confront. This posting is no exception.

That's a Coincidence...

As always (it seems) I have to start with an apology - it is far an age since the last post. Its been a busy few weeks and I'm currently helping four families create a funeral for their loved one, but even so, I will try to post a little more regularly!

Anyway, the coincidence is that the last blog title was "Bring me Sunshine". I'm now working on a ceremony with "Bring me sunshine" by Morecombe and Wise as the exit music. First time I've used this, but was really pleased when the family asked for it. I do like it when the ceremony finishes with a smile on the faces of those attending. Of course, it doesn't stop the hurt but it does set the grieve in a slightly different context.

Another ceremony I'm working on (I'm currently helping four families, so a bit busy)  has "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. It is an amazing track, filled with emotion and one of the last things he recorded. Not necessarily happy, but it is so moving.

So, back to the title - not a big coincidence but I thought I would share it with you all the same.

Today I have been mostly thinking about why death is so difficult for people to talk about and how I might make that easier...