Sorry!

Just a quick post to apologise for the silence over recent weeks. Often the summer is a quieter time for funerals, but this year has seen barely a break in ceremonies taking place. Which has meant my mind has been on helping bereaved families navigate the emotional challenges of the funeral; helping them to create a meaningful farewell. My mind hasn't been on the blog - I'm really sorry! But I'm gathering my thoughts and aiming to resume regular posts...so do watch this space! Recent ceremonies have included a beautiful ceremony at Midford Natural Burial Ground, near Bath. And on wednesday, we had such a moving ceremony which finished with a release of butterflies (outside obviously - we headed for the memorial garden after the ceremony to release them). Such a simple gesture but so symbolic. 

The Party Ain't Over Yet

Today we said goodbye to an 80 year old gentleman; a popular man, with a big loving family. He also had a lot of friends. Honestly, I have never seen so many messages of condolences at a house when I visited his family to help them plan the ceremony...I don't think there was an inch of spare space anywhere. And neither was there any space at the crematorium - "standing room only" doesn't come close to how packed the place was.

As I've written before, using an independent celebrant gives the family so many choices and helps to create a very personal ceremony. And todays was a bit different. For today's ceremony, I said the final words, paused and then (with the curtains still open) the exit music started: Status Quo and "The party 'aint over".

Now, as someone who spent his youth listening to Quo, AC/DC and Saxon (among other fab bands), the opportunity to play out to Status Quo was great. 

But what struck me most was how perfect it was. It was loud, fun and put a smile on lots of faces (which is a pretty good description of the man whose life we were there to celebrate). But when the curtains closed halfway through the song, it was still incredibly moving. A real 'lump in the throat' moment as we said that last goodbye. Memorable, heartfelt, personal - it felt a lovely ceremony today.

Andrew Jackson is an independent (non-faith) celebrant, working in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.

Should Children Attend Funerals?

Yes. 

Okay, I appreciate that a one word blog may not be too inspiring, but I thought I might as well answer the question at the outset. There is a very interesting article in the Guardian newspaper today about funerals and whether children should attend. 

As a celebrant, my starting point is try and involve family members, whatever their age. There are so many ways children can be involved, from decorating the coffin, writing a poem, drawing a picture to go on the coffin, lighting a candle if they are old enough or perhaps simply laying a flower. Asking grand children what they thought of a grandparent can produce some incredible quotes for the eulogy; sometimes a bit 'left of field' but children do have a way of cutting through to the core of the matter. So I'm very happy to see children at my ceremonies.

That's a Coincidence...

As always (it seems) I have to start with an apology - it is far an age since the last post. Its been a busy few weeks and I'm currently helping four families create a funeral for their loved one, but even so, I will try to post a little more regularly!

Anyway, the coincidence is that the last blog title was "Bring me Sunshine". I'm now working on a ceremony with "Bring me sunshine" by Morecombe and Wise as the exit music. First time I've used this, but was really pleased when the family asked for it. I do like it when the ceremony finishes with a smile on the faces of those attending. Of course, it doesn't stop the hurt but it does set the grieve in a slightly different context.

Another ceremony I'm working on (I'm currently helping four families, so a bit busy)  has "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. It is an amazing track, filled with emotion and one of the last things he recorded. Not necessarily happy, but it is so moving.

So, back to the title - not a big coincidence but I thought I would share it with you all the same.

Today I have been mostly thinking about why death is so difficult for people to talk about and how I might make that easier...

Bring Me Sunshine

No talk of funerals today. The sky has been a perfect blue all day; the sunshine beautiful. The Tour de France started today. I've a lovely dinner in prospect and a bottle of shiraz with my name on it. It's good to stop and acknowledge that life can be sweet sometimes.

Today I have been mostly been investing much energy into doing very little...good times.

Funeral Ceremony for a Child

Today we held the ceremony for the stillborn baby I mentioned last week. I have to say I’m still feeling pretty raw. With a child’s ceremony, it is never ‘business as usual’. Even those professionals, who spend their days working with death, pause with the death of one so young. It is impossible not to be touched by the overwhelming sense of sadness.

The ceremony was incredibly moving, from the moment the dad carried in the coffin. How incredible is that? In the midst of the most intense grief, when life feels thrown into disarray, to have the courage and strength to bear the coffin is incredible. I really don't know if I would be able to match that.

With one so young, we often need to turn to the words, songs and music of others to help us express our grief, as it is so difficult to articulate the hurt we are feeling. So our ceremony today included music from Eric Clapton (“Tears in Heaven”); a beautiful song called “Still” by Gerrit Hofsink (warning: if you look that up on i-tunes it is an incredibly emotional listen. Beautiful song, with words that cut straight to the heart, but sure to bring a tear to the eye) and then we heard Christina Perri (“A Thousand Years” – another song that was so perfect for today's ceremony).

It is going to be a difficult day as I’m sure the family will dominate my thoughts, to whom I can only send my best wishes - I only hope that time will help heal the hurt.

Andrew Jackson is an Independent Celebrant, working in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.

Reflecting on a Challenging Week

Sitting here, my first task is to apologise for the lack of blog postings of late. No real excuse other than last week was something of an emotional journey. For example, on Friday I helped a family say goodbye to a husband and father of two young children. He died from cancer aged just 38. It is difficult to know what to say, other than to be able to offer any kind of help and comfort in such circumstances is a huge privilege.