Saying Goodbye to Alison

Absolutely beautiful ceremony today. As a celebrant, I'm often left quite awestruck when, from intense grief, amazing things happen...today was such an occasion. We were in the Top Chapel at Haycombe (Bath's cemetery) for Alison's funeral.

Saying Goodbye to Steve

An emotional day today, as we said goodbye to Steve.

Steve was 37 when he died; he had battled with cancer for the best part of ten years. I should say at this point that I always hesitate to say "battled" cancer - especially in this case, as Steve had 'lived' with cancer. He didn't let it define who he was. He didn't stop living when the diagnosis was confirmed - instead he embraced every single day.

So we had a ceremony that reflected a huge amount of love, admiration and respect. There must have been 200 or more family and friends to pay their respects. The flowers on the coffin were shaped as a full size guitar (music was a passion); his wife and family members each spoke (he was the kind of man that everyone warmed to - we could have spent the whole day listening to tributes if time had allowed). It was a lovely ceremony. The music was as unique and quirky as the man himself - I can't recall ever walking out to "Gertcha" by Chas n Dave before - somehow it just worked brilliantly.

I hope very much that today's ceremony will bring some comfort; it has certainly been a privilege sharing this last part of the journey.

I know I often mention Caleb Wilde's blog - he is a funeral director in the US. He writes with great clarity on issues few of us have to confront. This posting is no exception.

Lovely Poem (for gardeners!).

When my father died, a good friend and fellow celebrant (hello Sarah!) sent me a lovely book called "All in the end is harvest - An anthology for those who grieve" (*). It is the perfect book to dip in and out of, as happy as it is sad and reflective. This poem stood out for me when I last picked up the book. "Not speaking as much as sharing" is the line that really resonates with you. The poem is wholly inappropriate for the time of year, but I really didn't want to wait six months before sharing it with you!

(*) The book is edited by Agnes Whitaker and well worth having a copy of your book shelf.

Sharing by Brenda Lismer

Autumn was our time of year

Working together in the old walled garden

Not speaking so much as sharing

The silence and September warmth

The gentleness of slow decay

At summer’s passing.

I was the debris man clearing the way

You turned the dark earth with your spade

Slow and steady knowing your pace

Turned tramp in your awful gardening clothes

Which somehow become dear.

I miss your patient figure

As I harvest alone

Miss the shared silence

And the coming together at day’s end.

Today I am mostly thinking about tomorrow's ceremony. A lovely man, who has died aged 37 from cancer. Sometimes life doesn't make much sense...

A Quick Update

I've written at least six draft posts this afternoon and none would represent a worthwhile investment of your time reading them. So this post is just to say that I am still here - just a little overwhelmed at the moment by some incredibly emotional ceremonies. 

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available to help families in Bristol, Bath and beyond. (but not 'beyond' like Buzz Lightyear - I'm thinking Somerset, Wiltshire and Bristol!). Picture is spring time in Bath.

Music for Funerals

Last year, I wrote a blog about the song / music: 'Amazing Grace'. We had used the piece, played by The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards (via CD) (i.e. not live - it would have been chaos). It was 'the best of tunes and the worst of tunes..'. It is beautiful, haunting, moving - but that's precisely the issue; its sure to have even the stiffest of lips trembling and the driest of eyes watering.

Yesterday, a similar discovery using Neil Diamond as exit music. We listened to "Hello, hello again" and - being honest - by the end I think everyone was glad to be back outside. Lovely track for a very special person - problem was it reduced everyone to tears... it was a sad enough day already. Strangely, "Here comes the sun" by the Beatles can have that effect on me too. At the end of the ceremony, with a silent and very thoughtful room, the guitar intro really makes an incredible impression. 

The exit music plays an important role in lifting spirits and marking the end of the ceremony. 'Lark ascending' is quite beautiful; Tony Bennett / Frank Sinatra etc work well - and, one of my favourites: 'Three little birds' by Bob Marley. So many amazing tracks - what would you recommend?

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant, available to conduct funerals in Bristol, bath & beyond.