At Committal, Should Curtains Remain Open?

I never thought that soft furnishings could become so controversial, but there is quite a debate about whether the curtains should close or be left open at the committal stage of a cremation ceremony. Now, if you haven’t attended a ceremony for someone close to you, it might be that you are sat there thinking, “Really? Closing the curtains is controversial?” But, for many, it is the part of the ceremony that they dread most, the final act of separation – it is a simple, symbolic action with huge emotional impact.

There are actually very few rules about what a funeral ceremony should look like: It is equally acceptable for the coffin to remain centre stage throughout the ceremony or for the curtains to be closed and the coffin hidden – when planning a funeral ceremony, which approach would you prefer?

The argument for closing the curtains is that the funeral ceremony, and the committal specifically, is the moment when we say our last goodbye. We accompany our loved one on this final journey up to this point, at which moment he/she is taken from us. By closing the curtains, the coffin is removed from sight; the bond of care broken and we are then free to return to the world, still feeling the loss but with a sense of conclusion.

If you have a faith and believe that what comes next will be better, this separation has a special logic to it.

But what if you don’t have a faith - does the logic of hiding the coffin from view still hold?

And keep in mind that as an independent funeral celebrant my role is helping those families without a strong, or clearly defined, faith – in England approximately 10% of the population are regular church goers, which leaves a lot of personal interpretations of what faith does or doesn’t mean to them.

Often in my ceremonies, I remind everyone “A person lives for as long as they are carried in the hearts of others and what the heart has once known, it will never forget.” So keeping the curtains open is one way of signifying that the spirit of the person remains a part of us rather than apart from us.

If the coffin remains centre stage, I often find that family members will touch the coffin and say a private goodbye as they leave the ceremony space. I’m always deeply moved when I witness this – it is such an emotional moment. For a brief moment, the family is reunited, whereas without that reconnection, the ceremony can feel detached.

I know some families just find the act of closing the curtains so upsetting that it puts a dread over the whole ceremony. But, all of this does mean that when we leave the ceremony space, we are walking away from the person – which can feel uncomfortable too.

What do you think?  Do you think that both approaches are equally valid  and the choice should be offered or should there be a ‘right’ way and a ‘wrong’ way of approaching this important part of the ceremony?

Andrew Jackson is an independent funeral celebrant available for commissions in the Bristol, Bath and Somerset area.