Coping with Grief in Autumn

To be honest, I always find the autumn, especially when clocks change, to be quite a difficult time. No idea why, as I love the colours and the changes to the foliage. It is a wonderful time to reconnect with the landscape. But it does always leave me feeling flat; difficult sometimes to see the best in life at this time of year.

What is an Independent Funeral Celebrant?

I am often asked "What is an independent celebrant?", quickly followed by questions regarding my own faith. The following - quoted from wikipedia - is a really sound explanation. The only thing I would add is this definition is very 'neutral': celebrants come in all shapes and sizes, strong faith to no faith, with a broad range of life experiences that shape the way they connect with families and their preferences when creating a beautiful ceremony. The good ones start the conversation with a 'blank page' - they listen to the family, check understanding and aim to create something that reflects the deceased in a heartfelt, personal way.

The Nature of Grief

I discovered this amazing quote today. It talks about the challenge of starting life again after bereavement and especially after the loss of someone very close. 

“The voice of grief is rather convincing, isn’t it? It tells you you’re “too old,” “not good enough,” or “not worthy enough” for another chance at life, that starting over is impossible. This voice in your head is the first thing you hear in the morning and the last thing you hear at night. It drives with you to work. It stays with you at lunch. Its message is so consistent that because of its repetitive power, you may be inclined to believe it. But, as persuasive as the voice of grief is, everything it says is a lie. It’s all a pack of lies.

Do you want the truth? If you do, then start listening to life calling to you inside your grief. How? Every time you are yearning to be held and loved, to laugh again, listen to your yearning. Do not listen to your fear . . . Listen to life calling you, “I am here, come on over. Take a chance on me. I am your life, and you’re all that I’ve got.” 

(Christina Rasmussen, Second Firsts Live Laugh and Love Again).

Granting Last Wishes

Not sure what is going on with the www.bbc.co.uk but there seems to be one interesting 'death' related article after another at the moment. As the purpose of this blog is to encourage conversations around death, I thought I should share it with you...

Today I saw a lovely piece about granting last wishes. It is a really heart warming story, that reminds me that often it is the simple things that make such a difference...
And yes, I know I need to take some more photographs to illustrate the blog - one day...

In Praise of Police Liaison Teams

Back from West Wilts Crematorium and a lovely, gentle service. Seems to have been an incredibly challenging day on the roads though, with two major traffic incidents. It is difficult to drive past the aftermath of an accident without thinking of those involved and hoping that they have survived in better shape than their vehicles. It brought to mind those police officers who have to knock on the door and pass on bad news, which by coincidence features in a BBC website article today. It makes for an interesting read...

The Semi-Colon Project;

Much has happened since I was last able to blog… a landmark birthday, navigated successfully albeit with rather more champagne than was strictly necessary...but better to celebrate than ponder the rapidly passing years!

I’ve moved house – challenging and stressful for someone change adverse but the start of a new chapter nonetheless and that’s to be embraced. One consequence has been the lack of broadband for three weeks, which has been difficult – it is though reassuring to see all the lights flashing comfortingly on my hub once again…

Whilst I have been away from the blog, my attention was grabbed by the "Semicolon Project". In essence, the project is a statement indicating that life has been embraced over death.

In essence, people all over the world who have struggled with addiction, suicidal thoughts, and depression are tattooing themselves with semicolons as part of the project.

Work Life & Death Balances

Apologies for the silence in recent months. You may have guessed that the lack of posts is often indicative of increased 'busy-ness'...this year has been incredibly intense and it has been a challenge finding time for me to recharge in-between helping families through their grief and navigating the emotional challenges of the funeral. I'm sure most celebrants would agree that we don't feel the grief in the same intensity as the families - if we did, it would become incredibly difficult to help. But neither is it 'all in a days work' - absorbing some of the sadness is just part of the role. So the blog has been pushed to one side whilst I've tried to create a better balance. But I will try to post more often over the coming months. If you have any questions about my role as a celebrant do please ask.
Andrew Jackson is an Independent celebrant available to conduct ceremonies in the Bristol, Bath and surrounding area.