Actress Anita Dobson reflecting on life: "You start to realise as you get older that life is about loss. I think that now more than ever. So, whatever your faith or beliefs, whether or not there's a hereafter or a God, life is a gift so just enjoy everything you've got."
Quoted from last week's Daily Mail 'Weekend' magazine.
This a blog for all those mourning a mother. Mothers Day is a special day - a time to say thank you. But it also brings so many memories back to mind for those who have already said their goodbyes; it is a day when the loss can be keenly felt. I hope you can find a quiet moment to reflect and to bring to mind some wonderful memories. Claire Rayner, writing about grief, said this:“Only
the unloved and unloving escape grief. It is the price we all have to
pay, eventually, for the love that makes our lives worth living." At times, it can feel a high price...
Yesterday, I lead a beautiful funeral service for Derrick - there was so much love in the room for this person, it really felt a heartfelt and special farewell - there were so many family and friends there to say goodbye. The reason for this post is that Derrick loved poetry and so we included some of his favourites in the ceremony. It is the first time I've been asked to read "The Tyger" by William Blake. It is a lovely poem to read aloud, so I share this with you, in tribute to Derrick.
Apologies...I really was hoping to bring this blog to life in 2015. There are so many half-written thoughts - about costs, about planning, about beautiful ceremonies - but for now they have to remain unwritten. The year has started with a huge increase in the number of families to look after. No idea why, as the weather has been relatively agreeable this winter - certainly could have been much worse. And I'm not aware of any 'super bugs' sweeping the nation. So this is just one of those moments when many of us in the funeral world are working flat out to look after families and help them navigate the sadness of saying goodbye to a loved one. It will calm down, and when it does I will return, with speed, to posting some thought provoking blogs. If you have any questions, or would like to share your experiences, do please add a comment.
Today, I felt very fortunate to be asked to lead a ceremony at Arnos Vale Cemetery. For those of you who don't know this amazing, historic cemetery / nature reserve (as it almost is now), all I can say is that it is well worth a visit. It is a huge site, containing many noteworthy memorials and headstones. But the first impression is not of headstones but of a green oasis on the outskirts of Bristol. Burials are still possible at Arnos Vale, but these are few and far between and I never expected that I would have an opportunity to lead a ceremony there. It is a stunning space. Today, we were deep in the woods (much of the site is overgrown; some spaces being reclaimed, some parts left natural), with sunshine streaming through the bare branches of the trees (sunshine - we had forecasts of snow and / or 70 mph winds - this morning it was a perfect January morning). The birds were singing, the squirrels exploring. It felt a very natural burial, perfect in its simplicity. If you are thinking of visiting, take wellies / outdoor shoes and leave yourself time to visit the lovely coffee shop there.
It has been a difficult day today. As a celebrant, I often feel as though I'm making a real and positive difference - the funeral ceremony is one small step on the healing process and a heartfelt, personal ceremony can start to ease the sadness.
Of course it doesn't make everything right, but saying goodbye in the right way does help. Today, it was such a sad ceremony, that I'm not sure I can honestly claim to have helped. We said goodbye to someone who was just 48 years old and there are times when it feels fundamentally wrong to say goodbye so soon. So many tears in the ceremony room today. My thoughts are very much with the family tonight.
Andrew Jackson is a funeral celebrant working in Bristol, Bath and the surrounding area. Please get in touch if you have any funeral related questions.
The latest edition of "More to Death" is available - click on the link to have a read. Thought provoking as always - the article about home funerals is especially interesting.
