Question: What would you do if you were told you had three years to live?I read an interesting article on the BBC website today, in the News Magazine section, talking about 'bucket lists' - which are things to do before 'kicking the bucket'.
And although I would rather label it a "Love for Life" list, I think its a brilliant idea.
In the previous post, I mentioned a wonderful ceremony that I conducted at Midford natural burial ground, which is located just outside Bath. As a funeral celebrant, I often have conversations with people who ask about alternatives to a church yard burial. There are an increasing number of natural burial site choices; some in woodland, others will remain pasture.
A question: Would you like your funeral in a church or at a crematorium? If you have a strong faith the answer will be obvious. But the number of weekly worshippers in the UK now stands at 12% and falling. So that leaves an awful lot of people - 88% - who are maybe less sure.
If I told you that the funeral service didn't have to be in either - that it could be conducted at home in the garden, at the golf club, in a farmers field in a marquee, would that change your mind? There is no legal constraint in the UK, other than you must have the permission of the person who owns the space.
Just a quick post to apologise for the silence over recent weeks. Often the summer is a quieter time for funerals, but this year has seen barely a break in ceremonies taking place. Which has meant my mind has been on helping bereaved families navigate the emotional challenges of the funeral; helping them to create a meaningful farewell. My mind hasn't been on the blog - I'm really sorry! But I'm gathering my thoughts and aiming to resume regular posts...so do watch this space! Recent ceremonies have included a beautiful ceremony at Midford Natural Burial Ground, near Bath. And on wednesday, we had such a moving ceremony which finished with a release of butterflies (outside obviously - we headed for the memorial garden after the ceremony to release them). Such a simple gesture but so symbolic.
Today we said goodbye to an 80 year old gentleman; a popular man, with a big loving family. He also had a lot of friends. Honestly, I have never seen so many messages of condolences at a house when I visited his family to help them plan the ceremony...I don't think there was an inch of spare space anywhere. And neither was there any space at the crematorium - "standing room only" doesn't come close to how packed the place was.
As I've written before, using an independent celebrant gives the family so many choices and helps to create a very personal ceremony. And todays was a bit different. For today's ceremony, I said the final words, paused and then (with the curtains still open) the exit music started: Status Quo and "The party 'aint over".
Now, as someone who spent his youth listening to Quo, AC/DC and Saxon (among other fab bands), the opportunity to play out to Status Quo was great.
But what struck me most was how perfect it was. It was loud, fun and put a smile on lots of faces (which is a pretty good description of the man whose life we were there to celebrate). But when the curtains closed halfway through the song, it was still incredibly moving. A real 'lump in the throat' moment as we said that last goodbye. Memorable, heartfelt, personal - it felt a lovely ceremony today.
Andrew Jackson is an independent (non-faith) celebrant, working in Bristol, Bath & Somerset.
Yes.
Okay, I appreciate that a one word blog may not be too inspiring, but I thought I might as well answer the question at the outset. There is a very interesting article in the Guardian newspaper today about funerals and whether children should attend.
As a celebrant, my starting point is try and involve family members, whatever their age. There are so many ways children can be involved, from decorating the coffin, writing a poem, drawing a picture to go on the coffin, lighting a candle if they are old enough or perhaps simply laying a flower. Asking grand children what they thought of a grandparent can produce some incredible quotes for the eulogy; sometimes a bit 'left of field' but children do have a way of cutting through to the core of the matter. So I'm very happy to see children at my ceremonies.
As always (it seems) I have to start with an apology - it is far an age since the last post. Its been a busy few weeks and I'm currently helping four families create a funeral for their loved one, but even so, I will try to post a little more regularly!
Anyway, the coincidence is that the last blog title was "Bring me Sunshine". I'm now working on a ceremony with "Bring me sunshine" by Morecombe and Wise as the exit music. First time I've used this, but was really pleased when the family asked for it. I do like it when the ceremony finishes with a smile on the faces of those attending. Of course, it doesn't stop the hurt but it does set the grieve in a slightly different context.
Another ceremony I'm working on (I'm currently helping four families, so a bit busy) has "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. It is an amazing track, filled with emotion and one of the last things he recorded. Not necessarily happy, but it is so moving.
So, back to the title - not a big coincidence but I thought I would share it with you all the same.
Today I have been mostly thinking about why death is so difficult for people to talk about and how I might make that easier...
