I started to write a blog called "Barriers to the Perfect Funeral" - but defining a perfect funeral posed a problem even before I started to reflect on the barriers.
My ceremony (whenever the times comes - I always say that death is on my 'To Do' list, but I haven't got round to it yet) will look very different to most ceremonies and yes, I have started planning it. I've met too many families whose lives have been turned upside down in the blink of eye - death often appears without warning and I would rather leave detailed instructions and help those close to me sort things out with the minimum of stress - its the least I can do. Like leaving a tidy sock draw...
So my perfect funeral would be in the summer, at Midford Natural Burial ground at Bath - think marquee wedding and you wouldn't be a million miles off the mark. I want a decent sound system, because my music choices rock: AC/DC, Pink Floyd and .... Take That. I know, I know but "Rule the world" is a song that we had at a ceremony and it has stayed with me - so that might be the exit music. That or "Vincent" by Don McLean. Anyway, countryside, sunshine, wine (served before the ceremony - I don't want people being miserable so we might as well start the party early). I even have the celebrant pencilled in (obviously all depends on when I depart as to how much of this will work).
But obviously, this wouldn't appeal to everyone. Sometimes I meet families who actively want a traditional ceremony - there is a comfort in sharing the traditions that have been handed down through generations - even if the odd hymn is switched for a Sinatra track. For others, new rituals - placing flowers, decorating the coffin, lighting candles, writing poems, etc, etc are all personal touches that don't abandon traditions but make them more real and relevant to our lives.
The important part of my role as a celebrant in Bath is to help families achieve what they want - so with that in mind, my next post will be about barriers - just to get you thinking! In the meantime, tell me what your hopes are - have you started planning your farewell?
Today I have been mostly pondering 'ritual' - its been a deep, thoughtful internal debate and now I am none the wiser and I have a headache...
I drive past Midford Natural Burial Ground every weekday on the way to work and have often thought it would be a beautiful place for a funeral ceremony - the view over the valley coming down the hill from Frome is wonderful. Having said that, I told H years ago that I would like my ashes scattered on Herm Island (a little island just off Guernsey) outside St Tugal's Church looking back towards St Peterport Harbour. (Anyone not familiar with Herm, look it up on Google and you will appreciate my thinking) . Haven't mentioned it lately, because some people are squeamish when discussing such things ... but now it's down in black and white ...
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