Saying a personal, heartfelt farewell to the ones we love is such a valuable part of the grieving and healing process. "A good send off" is our way of saying thank you for all the memories, for the love and friendship we have shared. The funeral ceremony is also a 'line in the sand' of sorts. It marks the time when we return to the real world, still feeling the loss of the person who has died, but never the less renewed and heartened and ready to start resuming our own lives (*).
Which brings me to "conveyor belt" funerals at the local crematorium, which is where most of us will end up - especially if we haven't left any instructions to the contrary (#talktofamily). Actually, I have to say that the people I've met who work in crematoriums are incredibly professional, caring and do a great job. Many crematoriums hold open days and I would recommend that you take the time to visit and understand the process as I'm sure this would reassure so many people - it certainly did me.
But there is no escaping the fact that crematoriums have a huge challenge balancing the needs of individual families, whilst still offering an efficient countywide service. So not surprising that some families feel the process is a bit impersonal.
The standard 20 minute ceremony often feels insufficient time to do justice to a whole life, but often a family can influence how a crematorium ceremony unfolds and avoid that rushed feeling, by booking a double slot and have more time. Yes, it might cost a little more but it's often a nominal difference rather than twice the price. Having more time means that you have five minutes at the start to dress the space - maybe to bring potted rose bushes in to bring some colour and scent to the ceremony space; or to set up a table with photos and objects from the persons life (an old fishing hat or football scarf can bring the person straight back to mind) or move the chairs into a circle. A 'double slot' (as its known) also allows a longer ceremony, with more time for reflection. The key thing to remember is to work with the crematorium staff; they need the space clean and tidy ready for the next family, so work with, rather against the Crematorium team, and many things are possible.
What I hope you take away from this article is that you have choices and armed with a little information, its quite possible to create a ceremony that is right for you. If you read this and need some help, please ask and I will do my best to answer your questions.
(*) which is not to say the grieving process ends at the funeral - often the hurt will last much, much longer - but the funeral ceremony can mark the end of one phase of the grieving experience).
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