Tuesday 1 March 2016

Poem: My Funeral by Wendy Cope

The following poem was read out on the BBC's Woman's Hour programme last week...it made a lot of celebrants smile...

My Funeral by Wendy Cope

I hope I can trust you, friends, not to use our relationship
As an excuse for an unsolicited ego-trip.
I have seen enough of them at funerals and they make me cross.
At this one, though deceased, I aim to be the boss.
If you are asked to talk about me for five minutes, please do not go on for eight
There is a strict timetable at the crematorium and nobody wants to be late
If invited to read a poem, just read the bloody poem. If requested
To sing a song, just sing it, as suggested,
And don’t say anything. Though I will not be there,
Glancing pointedly at my watch and fixing the speaker with a malevolent stare,
Remember that this was how I always reacted
When I felt that anybody’s speech, sermon or poetry reading was becoming too protracted.
Yes, I was intolerant, and not always polite

And if there aren’t many people at my funeral, it will serve me right.


  1. Someone should write one about the perils of the eulogy turning into a CV - easily done, but, of course, not by anyone I know. :) (Really, I don't mean you!)

  2. On point! I have always looked forward to such a funeral....

  3. Wish funerals would be guided by the poem