The following poem was read out on the BBC's Woman's Hour programme last week...it made a lot of celebrants smile...
My Funeral by Wendy Cope
I hope I can trust you,
friends, not to use our relationship
As an excuse for an
unsolicited ego-trip.
I have seen enough of
them at funerals and they make me cross.
At this one, though
deceased, I aim to be the boss.
If you are asked to talk
about me for five minutes, please do not go on for eight
There is a strict
timetable at the crematorium and nobody wants to be late
If invited to read a
poem, just read the bloody poem. If requested
To sing a song, just
sing it, as suggested,
And don’t say anything.
Though I will not be there,
Glancing pointedly at my
watch and fixing the speaker with a malevolent stare,
Remember that this was
how I always reacted
When I felt that anybody’s
speech, sermon or poetry reading was becoming too protracted.
Yes, I was intolerant,
and not always polite
And if there aren’t many
people at my funeral, it will serve me right.
